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14th-Oct-2009 03:11 pm - I never know who I am...
Been working hard and wondering whether everything has been for nothing. Life has been for nothing. I haven't got anyone. I always protect myself.
Anyone else feel like that?
18th-Sep-2009 03:08 pm - Friends Are Like Gold Dust
One of the things that I regret about going onto the army is leaving behind my friends. I was a bit of a geek in school not bad at subjects mostly good at languages, but I kept it on the down low just because you know what kids are like. I won't tell you where I come from or what my school was called because the whole point of this journal is to remain anonymous. It wasn't a very nice area though.

I don't know about you but when you are a bit of a geek at school you don't have so many friends, but those friends are very nice. Now I have gotten past that supposedly socially unaccepted stage I find it harder to work out who those people are that really make me happy.

I don't have a girlfriend. Haven't met one I liked enough to do the long distance thing. I don't have any friends who I can do anything with. No friends that I can make stupid jokes with or have them tell me I'm ok when I don't feel like I'm ok. I had good mates when I was a geek only about three but we did everything together. Ridiculous schemes. But I cut them out when I moved school, I cut them out and never saw them again.

There was an incident. They didn't approve so much it was just before I started the army. I did stupid stuff, started smoking didn't pay myself enough respect and my friends got annoyed. I don't know. Maybe they just cared about me. Things sometimes get messy when you have to say things to a friend they don't like to hear and they said things to me that really hurt (yes guys hurt each other too we're not made of stone). They were hurt too. They were hurt that I was giving up on my life while they were still in it. I don't know again. What I did was really bad. But I cleaned myself up before I went off. When I was training there was no real way I could get away with acting the way I did.

Now I don't know them. Don't know where to find them, where they work, if they're married. I cut them out because I wanted to start afresh. But what they don't tell you is that you may never meet people like them again, people who know you sometimes better than they know themselves. I miss them. I threw it away.

Friends are like gold dust.

18th-Sep-2009 11:38 am - Last Night
Last night, I'll leave packing for the morning don't have very much anyway.

I have been invited to some sort of party by the girl in the sheepskin coat, Giulia Chang. I think she is about 19 so young, but she has a maturity to her and we've had some fun looking round the city. Shes a fashion student on placement. I thought that Rome seemed a strange place for her to be but I am slightly ignorant in that area...

I think we're going to Piper Club which is one of the more well known places here. I asked if there was anywhere less touristy but I don't think she understood. I'll have to ask the guy at the hotel.
15th-Sep-2009 02:39 pm - Girl
Last few days in Italy and in this part it is raining. I'm too much of a wimp to go outside but I would love too. It hits the floor differently here.

A girl, I think she is Japanease, is leaning round an arch way to have a fag. She curled round it in fact. Beautiful sheepskin coat thing round her.

She must be very young though.

Today I just sat in my room. I felt rather guilty when I saw most of the other guests at the hotel walk out today, and what a nice day. Yet I just feel like sitting in alone.
I'm one of the lucky ones and have a balcony so I can just sit there and smoke (a nasty habit I ironically picked when I started the army) and people watch.
Theres an American lady trying to get her kid to walk forward at the moment hes on those annoying trainers with wheels and it seems inevitable that she will start to drag him along. Yes she is doing it now. Hopefully I'll see some more traditional sights later on...

9th-Sep-2009 04:22 pm(no subject)
I am in Italy because my father supposedly came from here and I want to find my roots now i have some time off from the chaos of army life. Want to share my travels in Italy with people from all walks of life with every story.
Hope thats not to deep for you!

9th-Sep-2009 04:21 pm - First Entry...
Without having seen the Sistine Chapel one can form no appreciable idea of what one man is capable of achieving.
(Johann Wolfgang Goethe in 1787 in Rome)

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