One of the things that I regret about going onto the army is leaving behind my friends. I was a bit of a geek in school not bad at subjects mostly good at languages, but I kept it on the down low just because you know what kids are like. I won't tell you where I come from or what my school was called because the whole point of this journal is to remain anonymous. It wasn't a very nice area though.
I don't know about you but when you are a bit of a geek at school you don't have so many friends, but those friends are very nice. Now I have gotten past that supposedly socially unaccepted stage I find it harder to work out who those people are that really make me happy.
I don't have a girlfriend. Haven't met one I liked enough to do the long distance thing. I don't have any friends who I can do anything with. No friends that I can make stupid jokes with or have them tell me I'm ok when I don't feel like I'm ok. I had good mates when I was a geek only about three but we did everything together. Ridiculous schemes. But I cut them out when I moved school, I cut them out and never saw them again.
There was an incident. They didn't approve so much it was just before I started the army. I did stupid stuff, started smoking didn't pay myself enough respect and my friends got annoyed. I don't know. Maybe they just cared about me. Things sometimes get messy when you have to say things to a friend they don't like to hear and they said things to me that really hurt (yes guys hurt each other too we're not made of stone). They were hurt too. They were hurt that I was giving up on my life while they were still in it. I don't know again. What I did was really bad. But I cleaned myself up before I went off. When I was training there was no real way I could get away with acting the way I did.
Now I don't know them. Don't know where to find them, where they work, if they're married. I cut them out because I wanted to start afresh. But what they don't tell you is that you may never meet people like them again, people who know you sometimes better than they know themselves. I miss them. I threw it away.
Friends are like gold dust.